I find it extremely annoying that confidence is a muscle that can get out of shape
when I was a child, I learned to solder, I frequented the local maker events, I spent hours trying and failing to make my arduino do interesting things
at some point, for some reason, I stopped
for a while
I still tinkered with hardware but it was all in safe ways. ways legitimized by someone else. swapping RAM, swapping hard drives, fitting things designed to go together together how they were designed to go
I think this has rotted my ability to be spontaneous a bit. I think relying on things with external legitimacy has hurt my ability to legitimize myself to myself. it has hurt my ability to be confident with physical objects
now, I am trying to undo that. and I so resent how whatever confidence I had had as a kid has dried up in the interim. not because of any major failures, not because of any reason, just because I didn't use it enough
in this way I find crimping ethernet cables to be good for my soul
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